The Boy That Almost Lived
by sexyviolinist
Summary: Grief stricken when his friends desert him, Harry turns to self destruction, not only physcially, but menteally as well. And if thats not bad enough, Harry finds himself smitten with someone he's not supposed to be smittin with. Two different endings.
1. Chapter the First

Disclaimer- I only own what is mine  
  
centerThe Boy Who Almost Lived/center  
  
centerChapter One/center  
  
Harry watched as the blood trickled down his pale arm. He picked up the knife and cut again. It felt good. He looked at himself in the mirror. Not the most handsome boy in the world. He had glasses, was very light and skinny and a scar on his forehead shaped like a lighting bolt. He hated that scar. He wished it would just go away. He picked up the knife again. The boy who lived. He cut his arm very fiercely. Yeah right. Our hero. He slashed his arm again. Bull Shit. He was sick of being this person he wasn't. He was sick of people thinking he was some kind of saint or something. He resented every one of them.  
  
He slid the knife into his pocket and opened the bathroom door. The birds outside were tweeting. He wanted to strangle them. Wanted to ask them why they were so happy. Wanted to stop them from being happy. Everyone is so happy, he thought. It's spring and it makes him sick. He looked out the window. Everyone was outside. He was alone. Again. He saw Ron and Hermione walking the grounds, holding hands. Ever since they started dating, they've completely ignored him. After they went off, he was left with no one. Not even his owl. Hedwig passed a long time ago. Shot by a spell that someone obviously thought would be a funny prank. It wasn't funny. They didn't even apologize. They just left Harry bent over crying over the only friend he had left. The first friend he ever had, really. He thought about the times when he was a content little kid. He waited for the memories to come, but they never did. Then it stuck him, he was never a happy child.  
  
When he came to Hogwarts, he was the happiest person on earth. He though that things would be different. They were. He made friends. He was with others like him. He was happy. (Was being the operative word) Then in the 4th year, it all started to spiral slowly. He was cut off by the wizarding world. His friends ignored him. He was depicted as a maniac and the world shunned him, all but Hermione and Ron. Then at the beginning of this year, he didn't even have them. He, the boy who lived, had nothing. And the boy who lived, wished he hadn't. 


	2. Chapter the Second

Chapter Two  
  
Harry Potter walked down to breakfast alone. Every now and then someone would wave at him, say hi, but he didn't have enough energy left in his frail body to say anything or gesture back. All of a sudden, Hermione runs up to him. She pulls him into a back breaking hug.  
  
"HARRY! I'M SOOOO GLAD TO SEE YOU!"  
  
"Hermione? What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm hugging an old friend!"  
  
Oh, so now he's and OLD friend. But, what was he thinking she was going to say?  
  
"I have a problem, and I need your help. Ron and I have been fighting, and seeing as you're his best friend, maybe you could talk to him?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?" She looked grief stricken. Good.  
  
Because ever since you and Ron started dating, you have completely ignored me and Ron is no longer my best friend, because in order to be best friends, you have to acknowledge the other friends' existence! That's at least that's what he wanted to say. He wanted to say it out loud, but couldn't. Hermione was his best friend, no matter how much he wanted hated her. He could never hate her. He wanted to, but couldn't. He wished he could forget her, just like she forgot him. But he couldn't. He still clung to the memories of when Ron and Hermione still thought he existed. He just stared at her, and then collapsed.  
  
Srry this is so short! I'll type more, I promise! 


	3. Chapter the Third

Chapter the Third  
  
The Hospital Wing  
  
Harry awoke in a hospital bed. He loved the smell of the Hospital wing. It was so clean. He visited here a lot lately. Not because he was sick, just tired. He would come here just to rest. He would sit on the beds, (much to Madame Pomfrey's dismay) and do his homework. It was quiet here.  
  
Then he noticed that he was no alone. Ron and Hermione were sitting on the next bed to him, whispering. He sat up, took a drink of water, and lay back down. If this were back...in say, the 5th year, they would have come running to his side, asking if he was ok. But they didn't ask if he was ok. They probably didn't even care. They were probably here to keep up the appearance of them being his friends. They weren't his friends. As much as he hated to admit it, they were no longer his friends. He knew the relationship wouldn't last. They would break it off in a couple months. Then they'll come crawling back to me. But I'll give them a taste of their own medicine, he thought. He'd blow them off, just like they did him. But they would still have each other. They could still be friends. Then he would have no one, but this time, it would be his own fault. So he decided that a taste of their own medicine would hurt him more than it would hurt them.  
  
He rolled over, and they must have heard, because they came running over.  
  
"Harry! Your ok!!" shouted Ron "You had a nasty fall mate. Down three flights of stairs" Harry just stared at him...3 flights of stairs? "Not really. I'm just kidding." Real funny Ron, Harry thought. If I had fallen down 3 flights of stairs (especially in Hogwarts) I would have been dead. It wasn't fair, getting his hopes up like that. Harry just rolled over, and saw Hermione. She was teary eyed.  
  
"I thought you were dead. I was so scared, especially after you passed out like that.....what's wrong?"  
  
"Gowaymione....." Harry said into his pillow.  
  
"What did he say?" Ron asked Hermione.  
  
"He wants us to leave him alone. When someone talks into their pillow, they're either trying to be funny, or they don't want to talk, and I doubt Harry is trying to be funny, so I'm respecting his wishes, and leaving."  
  
"Bye mate....." said Ron, who sounded disappointed. Harry didn't notice. 


	4. Chapter the Fourth

Chapter the Fourth  
  
Adam's Song  
  
Harry was back in the common room by himself again. He figured as long as everyone's outside, it seemed pointless to do his dark deed hidden somewhere. His thoughts wandered to last summer....  
  
Harry got a job over the summer. He didn't really want the job, but it was better than staying home all day. Uncle Vernon was becoming particularly touchy that summer, so Harry got a job at the bookstore. Another reason he got the job at the book store, was that he knew he would be able to avoid Dudley, seeing as he never would set foot in a bookstore upon his own will.  
  
Ron and Hermione hadn't written him all summer. That was the first sign of what was to come. This was the final straw for Harry. He had to do something, but what could he do?  
  
While walking in town, he spotted a music store. That's when he saw it. The Discman. And the CD's he had no idea would keep him alive as long as they did. He picked up the Discman, holding it in his hands like some treasure. It was odd, Harry thought, that I would want a muggle electronic. But never the less, he held it very carefully. He had about 300 pounds saved up from his job. He bought the Discman and 2 CD's.  
  
They were both Blink 182 CD's. He didn't know what drew him to these CD's. They were some American band. The two he chose were Enema of the State and Blink 182 (the new one). He went home and listened to a song that he thought was strangely named: Adam's Song. He listened. That was the first time that he ever cut himself. This was the way to relive the pain of everyone ignoring him. Harry remembered every word. What he did while listening. He re-counted the memory.  
  
[I never thought I'd die alone, I laughed the loudest hoot of known]  
  
The knife touched his skin  
  
[I traced the cord back to the wall, no wonder it was never plugged in all]  
  
The knife pierced his skin  
  
[I took my time, I hurried up, the choice was mine, I didn't think enough]  
  
He gingerly cut the skin  
  
[I'm too depressed to go on. You'll be sorry when I'm gone]  
  
He looked as the blood oozed out of the wound  
  
[I never conquered when I came, 16 just held such better days]  
  
This time he cut more fiercely  
  
[Days when I could still feel alive, when I couldn't wait to get outside, the world was watching time go by, the tour was over, we'd survive. I couldn't wait, till I got home, to pass the time in my room alone]  
  
He dropped the knife on the floor. That's enough, he thought. He kept listening to the music.  
  
[I never thought, I'd die alone, another six months I'll be unknown  
  
Give all my things, to all my friends; you'll never set foot in my room again.  
  
You'll close it off, board it up, remember the time that I spilled the cup; of apple juice, in the hall, please tell mom this is not her fault.]  
  
This part about the mom and the juice got him to do something that he hadn't done in a long time. Cry. He cried for his mom. If she were here, none of this would be happening. If she were here, he wouldn't be doing this to himself. He wouldn't live with the Dursley's. He wouldn't be the Famous Harry Potter. He'd just be Harry. Plain Harry. 


	5. Chapter the Fifth

Chapter the Fifth  
  
Re-Opened Wounds  
  
It was about Midnight. Harry lay in bed thinking about Sirius and how he died. How could someone die by just going through a curtain? Harry thought to himself. What did he do in his life to make him.....Harry didn't want to think about it.  
  
He thought about why his friends left him. He had done nothing wrong. He could understand why they kept their distance last year, with him being very mood-swingy and all. One moment he would be very angry and pissed at the world, the next, happy and joking with Ron about how ugly Professor Umbridge was.  
  
Harry missed being a first, second and third year. He was so happy. He had friends, adventures, and fun. Now, he had no fun, no friends, and his adventures were no longer exciting. Back in the first year, his encounter with Voldemort, he thought of it as some big game. Like he was a super hero. He was invincible. He was on top of the world. After the third year, Harry began to see it wasn't a game, unless life was a game. Voldemort was out to kill him, that was all there was to it. He realized that in the 4th year. Harry never understood about Voldemort when he was younger. He thought of him as a rival of sorts. You know the drill- Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. Right now, of all times, is when he needed his friends. If this were back in the old days, when they still thought of him as a human......  
  
That got Harry to thinking, was he human at all? He was flesh and blood of course, that was obvious. But did he have what all humans had, like friends and a family? No. So he began to think of himself as a sub- human, a lesser being. He was a.....sad boy. A sad, lost, confused boy who just needed to be loved. 


	6. Chapter the Sixth

Chapter the Sixth  
  
Silent Chuckles and Tears  
  
Harry sat in potions class with Ron and Hermione in their usual seats in the back. Ron and Hermione were bickering again.  
  
"Hermione, you're mad."  
  
"I still think tha-"  
  
"That you're mad?"  
  
"No, that your mums right, Ron."  
  
"Right about what?"  
  
"About Sirius...you know...living through us...?"  
  
"HERMIONE! FIRST MY MUM, NOW YOU! THE WHOLE WORLD IS STARK RAVING MAD!!!!"  
  
"Mr. Weasley, 10 points from Gryffindor!"  
  
Harry chuckled (something he rarely did) at this memory from last year. Ron and Hermione had been picking at each other since the beginning of their first year. It was terribly easy to tell that they fancied each other. Harry knew that they would eventually confess to each other and he thought he would be happy for them. He had no idea they would ignore him.  
  
He looked around. No one in the common room. No noise coming from the dorms. He pulled out his Exacto-knife. He started to cut. He always made sure that none of the cuts ever, EVER looked like a lightning bolt. Ever.  
  
As he was on the about 3rd or 4th cut, he heard someone come through the entrance. He began to panic. What if they caught him? What would he do, what would he say?  
  
"Harry?! What are you doing to yourself!? Harry looked up and saw Hermione looking down at him. She was about to burst into tears.  
  
"Ohmygod! Harry! Are you alright? What's wrong?" Suddenly, it dawned on her what was wrong. "Oh, Harry." She sat down and sighed deeply. "I told Ron we should have spent more time with you. He such an ignorant pig! What did I see in him in the first place!?"  
  
"You saw the same thing I did. A loyal friend, you just saw him as more than a friend. He is always going to be my friend; we just drifted this year...which was the last time I needed someone to drift away from me."  
  
"Why didn't I see it? Everything was there. You not talking, secluding yourself from everyone. The only time I ever saw you smile this year was at Quidditch matches." Then she burst into tears.  
  
"It's ok, Hermione. I won't do it anymore, I promise." He stroked her hair whist she cried on his shoulder. She looked up at him.  
  
"I hope you keep your promises."  
  
Then Harry saw Hermione like he had never seen her before. He eyes were so soft and kind. She felt just right in his arms. Then he did something he wasn't sure he was allowed to do. He kissed her. It was different from when he had kissed Cho (except for the crying). There was no emotion. It was just a kiss. This was more than a kiss. It was pure emotion.  
  
After words, Hermione looked shocked, not at Harry, but at herself.  
  
"What have I done......?" She began to sob again.  
  
"You just said that you didn't feel that way about Ron anymore. Why does it matter?" Obviously, this was the WRONG thing to say.  
  
"I'M ASHAMED AT YOU HARRY! RON HAS EVERY RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE!?"  
  
This made Harry panic. "What?! You're going to tell him?"  
  
"NO! OF COURSE NOT! DON'T BE STUPID! I am however, going to break-up with him. It's not working." Only Hermione can make a break-up statement sound matter-of-fact.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, it all started whe-HEY! I should be talking to you! You're the one cutting yourself up!" She then realized that Harry was no in the best state to be yelled at. "I'm sorry. I was being insensitive."  
  
Harry had forgotten about that. "Well, I promise I won't do it again. You can tell Ron, and you can make sure I keep my promise."  
  
"Ok. As long as you promise, I believe you. You always keep your word. That's what I like about you most. I need to get Ron and tell him." Harry began to walk off "And YOU'RE coming with me!" She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the common room. 


	7. Chapter the Seventh

Chapter the Seventh  
  
Ron's hand covered his mouth. "Oh my gosh...you...Harry...? Why would you do something like that? What did we do.......oh...." Ron had finally got it.  
  
"You didn't write the entire summer, you acted like I didn't exist, and I was finally fed up with it. I had to do something, so I decided to cut myself. No one asked me what was wrong when I stopped talking, no one bothered to try to help. They just stared at me, talked behind my back, and excluded me from everything." Harry sighed.  
  
Ron's eyes were wide open. His hand moved from his mouth to his lap and he sighed and hung his head. "I saw once......"  
  
"What?" Harry was confused. If Ron had seen him, then he would have tried to help, right?  
  
"I said I saw him cut once. Well, he wasn't cutting, but I saw he knife and the blood on his arm. I didn't want to say anything. I'm so sorry, Harry. I'm such a shitty friend......"  
  
"No you're not."  
  
"Yes I am, and I promise that I'll spend more time with you and that I'll be a better friend than I used to be. I swear on...on...my life. 


	8. Chapter the Eighth

Chapter the 8th  
  
Harry stared at Ron. His life? And this was coming from someone who just yesterday had pretended he didn't exist. Harry found all of this very odd and confusing.  
  
"Well, I'm hungry. Let's go get some breakfast!" said Ron, who was obviously trying to break the awkward silence.  
  
"Ron, it's 6:00 P.M., not A.M. We should be at dinner.....and, Ron?" Hermione looked at Ron now, instead of the floor, where she had been looking through the whole conversation, "I need to talk to Harry alone. Would you please save us seats?"  
  
"Sure. I'll see you later" Ron waved goodbye and left through the portrait hole, then Hermione looked at Harry.  
  
"What are we going to say about what happened this afternoon? I really think that.........what we did would upset Ron." She was blushing furiously now.  
  
"So what are we going to do?" Harry was very careful of what he said, seeing as he normally said the wrong thing. (At least in Hermione's opinion)  
  
"I don't think we should tell him. Even thought I know honesty is always the best way to go, this is an exception. He would hate you and hate me. I'm just glad Rita Skeeter isn't reporting anymore. This whole fiasco would be all over the Daily Prophet or Witch Weekly. Goodness knows that I don't want to be depicted as a 'Scarlet Women'."  
  
They both laughed because in the 4th year, Rita had a hay-day ruining their reputations.  
  
"Well, we should to go to dinner. Ron's probably trying to fend off evil predators that are trying to take our seats." She chuckled again as they clambered though the portrait hole, heading off to dinner.  
  
As they reached the Gryffindor table, Ron saw them and motioned for them to sit. Harry sat on his left, Hermione on his right.  
  
"Wa di you wo ave to alk bout?" Ron asked with a mouth full of mashed potatoes.  
  
"Ron-chew, swallow, _and then_ talk." Said Hermione  
  
"Sorry. What did you two have to talk about?"  
  
"NEWTS." said Hermione. "I needed to discuss study plans with Harry."  
  
Of course this was a lie, but it got Harry to thinking about his OWL scores. He had done pretty well.  
  
Defense Against the Dark Arts- Outstanding  
  
Potions- Exceeds Expectations (that was a big surprise, but it also meant that he couldn't drop potions)  
  
Transfiguration- Exceeds Expectations  
  
Charms- Between Exceeds and Average (but he had been excepted into the NEWT classes anyways)  
  
Divination- Fail. Fail. Fail Fail Fail.  
  
Herbology- Average  
  
Astronomy- Average  
  
Care of Magical Creatures- Exceeds Expectations (Hagrid was especially proud of that one)  
  
History of Magic- Average  
  
He had been accepted into all the NEWT classes he needed to be an Auror. He dropped Divination and got Muggle Studies. Hey, it was an easy pass. He needed an easy class, especially with all of the NEWT classes he had to take. Ron however had decided to drop potions and was teasing Harry and Hermione about it at the moment.  
"I pity you two, really. You're given the chance to drop potions and you don't. Something is wrong with you people. Really, no Snape for the last two years of school and you two still decide to take it. Honesty......" 


	9. Chapter the Ninth

Chapter the 9th

"Harry! You! Have! To! Eat! Are you even listening to me?" cried Hermione.

"Yes Dear..." Harry said without thinking.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Eat."

"No."

This is amusing, thought Harry. He missed this kind of stuff.

"Well, I'm heading down to the Quidditch pitch now to meet Ron."

Hermione got up as Harry did and shoved a slice of toast in his mouth.

"Eat, you!"

"Always looking out for me, eh?"

"If I don't, who will?"

"Ha-ha. Do you want to walk with me to the pitch?"

"Sure. I need to talk to Ron anyways."

"Why?" asked Harry.

"Well......I'm going to do it."

"Do what?"

"Break it off with Ron." said Hermione.

"WHAT?! He'll blow the game!"

"Ok then, I'll tell him afterwards."

"That's another bad idea. If we win, you'll take the fun out of. If we lose, then you'll just make it harder on him."

"I don't care! What am I supposed to do; hand out sweets and flowers and say 'Goodbye Popkin' in a peppy little voice?"

"I see what you mean."

"So, after the game then."

"What about after the game?" came a voice from behind

"Oh, hi Ron!" said Hermione. Harry noticed something. Ron didn't reach for Hermione's hand. He always used to do that. Maybe their break-up really was for the best. And he also didn't give her a hug or a kiss. Maybe he felt the same way she did.

"Hermione? I need to talk to you. Can you go on ahead Harry?" asked Ron.

"Sure." said Harry. He knew what was coming. Ron was going to dump her. Maybe it was better that way. All he could think about now was being able to go out with Hermione. He loved her. That's all there was to it. He loved how she always wore ballerina flats and bow belts, even before they were in style. She was so classic and beautiful. And smart. He loved how she always knew the answers and how she always knew the right thing to say.

He had reached the locker room. He changed into his Quidditch robes. Ron walked in a few moments later, looking a little down. As he sat down he said "That went off better than I thought it would. Hermione actually agreed that we should end it. It's odd."

"Women. You'll never understand them."

"True dat foo."

"What?"

"I heard it on a muggle music box. I think their called 'vadios'.

"Radios. Their called radios."

"Oh. I knew that."

"Alright!" said a voice from the girl's locker room doorway. "Let's go out there and show those Ravenclaws just who is getting the cup this year!" Alicia Spinnet stood in the locker room, delivering the traditional per-game speech. Hers had always been particularly violent. They usually contained phrases such as 'beat them to a bloody pulp' and 'stab them with their own broom handles'. It was usually worse when they played Slytherin, though. "Now let's go!"

They left the locker rooms and went onto the field. Harry mounted his broom and took off at the whistle. Not 5 minutes into the game, he saw the snitch. He zoomed off as fast as his broom could carry him. Cho didn't even know what was going on until it was too late. He had already caught the snitch. He landed amid a roar from the crowd. Hermione and Ron came running toward him.

"Good job Harry!" screamed Hermione

"Hermione, can I talk to you?"

"Sure Harry, what's up?

"Over here." He pulled her away from the crowd. "Hermione, I want to know. Will you go out with me?"

**VERY IMPORTANT! READ FIRST!!!!!**

* * *

**A/N. There are two endings. If you want to smile, go to the first one. If you want to cry, go to the second one. Or read both. I don't care.**


	10. Chapter the Tenth::1

Chapter the 10th

The Answer

"Yes. I will." She embraced him and they stood there for what seemed like hours. Harry let go and said

"What about Ron?"

"I already asked him and he said it was fine."

"I love you so much Hermione."

"I love you too, Harry."

They kissed and Harry was finally happy.

The End


	11. Chapter the Tenth::2

Chapter the 10th

"I'm sorry Harry, but that kiss meant nothing to me. I wish it did, but you're still just a friend. I'm so sorry."

Harry didn't know what to say. He just stared at her. How could she do that to him? That was the final straw.

"We are all gathered here today to mourn the death of Harry Potter. And now, here is Hermione Granger to deliver the eulogy."

"Harry Potter was an amazing friend. He was going to do great things in life. A prophecy foretold that he was to either murder of be murdered. I suppose that the prophecy was true. He murdered and was murdered. Too bad it was him that did the all killing. He was supposed to save us all, and we couldn't even return the favor. Without him, we're all in trouble, and it's all our fault." said Hermione, trying to hold back the tears. She walked to the casket and said "I'm sorry Harry. It's entirely my fault. I really did love you. I wish I could take it back."

She kissed the cold body and took her seat and cried.

**(A/N Omg, this next part is so clichéd, but I don't care! Harry can't die!)**

All of a sudden, Harry shot up from the casket. He looked about like he was on another planet. "What happened?" he said groggily, like he had just woken up from a nap.

"HARRY!!!!!" screamed Hermione. She ran over to the casket and gave him a hug. She was crying and screaming and saying "I'm so sorry!" over and over again. Ron walked up too. It looked like he had been crying more than Hermione. "Harry." That's all he said. And then he gave him a hug too. There they stood. Three best friends. Together again.

No one knows how Harry came back. Maybe it was fates doing. Maybe the prophecy was going to happen, no mater what. All that Harry knew was that he had gotten a second chance, and that he'll never touch an exacto-knife again.

The End


End file.
